


these hands are yours to hold

by wolhee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, mindreading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-11-21 22:26:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11366898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolhee/pseuds/wolhee
Summary: Jongin sees through the palms of his hands and Chanyeol shows him the world.





	these hands are yours to hold

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from [livejournal](http://wolhee.livejournal.com/5939.html)

Jongin likes the cold weather because he doesn't have to explain to people why his hands are always encased by a set of thick leather gloves. To Jongin, his gloves are a safety net; a way to protect himself from the world. They had traveled with Jongin for years and were more worn than the skin they hid. Without them, he felt naked and exposed.

Unfortunately for Jongin, he wakes up late that morning and rushes out of his dorm, forgetting both his gloves and his sketchbook on his desk.

Jongin sits on the bus nervously, fingers clutching the metal railing by his seat so tightly his knuckles turn white, as he considers his options. If he stays on the bus, he'd make it in time for his morning lecture, but he would have to go through the entire day without his gloves and sketchbook. If he gets off at the next stop, he'd still be close enough to run back to his dorm and grab his missing things, but he would be late for his class.

Jongin feels his eyebrows furrow as he weighs the odds. It was cold, so he could probably get away with keeping his hands stuffed within his pockets, but going through an entire day without his sketchbook was an entirely different story.

While he's busy chewing on his bottom lip, a pair of high school girls walk past Jongin's seat, chattering aimlessly to themselves. The jostling of the bus causes one of them to stumble and her fingers brush against Jongin's as she tries to regain her balance. In the split second their skin makes contact, a burst of yellow flashes past Jongin's eyes.

_I forgot to wear foundation today… I really hope no one notices._

Jongin wrenches his hand away as if he's been burned, jumping out of his seat to request a stop from the bus driver. The moment the vehicle stops moving, he runs out of the doors, sprinting back towards his dorm.

On second thought, maybe he wouldn't be able to make it through a day without his gloves after all.

 

 

 

The first few times it happened, Jongin hadn't even realized anything was out of the ordinary. He hadn't been able to tell the difference between words spoken aloud and internally back then, and had always just assumed people tended to be more vocal around him because he was so quiet. He was seven when he realized how wrong he was.

Jongin's mother had passed away when he was still too young to remember her, and his father remarried a few years afterwards. His new wife was a pretty lady named Sooyoun. She was young, _too_ young, according to the hushed whispers and disapproving voices of Jongin's relatives.

"I know she won't be able to replace your mother," Jongin's father had said, "but she's family now, so treat her well, okay?"

Jongin hadn't minded; he had no memories of his mother and Sooyoun was nice enough. He liked her because she was pretty and smelled like flowers.

Sooyoun had been waiting to pick him up outside of his preschool the day it happened. She smiled when he walked out of the building, and ruffled his hair in the warm way Jongin always associated with her as a child.

"Jonginnie!" She said, taking his hand in hers as they began walking towards her car. "How was your day? Did you have fun?"

_Of course you had fun. Every day must be fun for you, you spoiled brat._

 "I had fun." Jongin replied. He had long gotten used to Sooyoun's sharp tongue that contrasted with the sweet smile she gave to him and his father.

"That's great!"

_If only you weren't around, I wouldn't have to waste time picking you up every day._

Jongin winced internally when he felt black waves of annoyance rolling off of Sooyoun's shoulders.

_If only you could run off into traffic like any other kid and get run over. Then your father could stop wasting money on you, and instead focus on me. There's that new Louis Vuitton bag I want, but of course that old man can't seem to take a hint._

"But isn't running into traffic dangerous?" Jongin had asked innocently. "My teacher tells us not to play near the streets because it's dangerous."

"What?" Sooyoun asked, stopping in her tracks. "What did you just say?"

"Running into traffic," Jongin repeated. "And also, I'm sure my dad would be happy to buy you a new bag if you just asked him for one."

"You─" Sooyoun had whispered, horrified. "Who told you to say that?"

"What do you mean?" The boy asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "You just said it yourself."

_What the hell? What's going on? This little freak._

"That's not a nice thing to say."

"What─"

"Freak. You just called me a freak," Jongin had frowned. "Why do you always say such mean things when you hold my hand?"

Sooyoun had dropped his hand like she had been burned and backed away from the boy with a look of both horror and disgust on her face. She remained silent the entire way home while Jongin trailed behind her helplessly, afraid that he had offended her in some way. Since then, she avoided touching him like he was the plague, and Jongin learned to keep his mouth shut.

 

 

 

Jongin had always been a quiet child, so it wasn't very difficult for him to keep his little secret to himself. It wasn't until much later that people around him finally came to notice his oddity.

He had been sitting at his desk in his high school calculus class when the back of his hand brushed against the fingers of the girl sitting next to him. Her name was Jinri and she had been staring intently at the board, eyebrows furrowed. A wave of dark orange exasperation washed over Jongin's senses as they touched.

_What? What does that even mean? I don't even know what I don't know._

"You take the derivative." Jongin had blurted out before he could stop himself.

"What?" Jinri asked, turning to look at him.

"You looked confused," Jongin answered, thinking quickly. "You're supposed to take the derivative."

"Oh," Jinri answered, after a moment of hesitation. "Thank you." She flashed him a smile and Jongin’s heart skipped a beat. She was a very pretty girl, and he felt reluctant to let the conversation end right there.

"After that, you take the integral and you find your answer."

"Oh wow, you're really good at this." Jinri's fingers brushed against the back of Jongin's hand once more.

_Wow this guy is really smart, it's almost like he's a─_

"I'm not really a genius or anything," Jongin had said, "I just pay attention in class."

Jinri had blinked at him, and Jongin had seen the surprise in her eyes even without having to touch her hand.

"Funny," she said finally. "I was just thinking that."

"Oh," Jongin laughed awkwardly. He began to ramble as he always did whenever he was nervous. "I get that sometimes. People say I can read minds or something. Totally weird."

"Right," Jinri answered, looking at him oddly just as the bell rang. She collected her stuff and as she was getting up to leave, her hand brushed against Jongin's once more.

"You're going to eat with your friends on the rooftop?" He had asked her. "You know I've always heard that the view up there is amazing, but I've never actually gone. What's it like?"

Jinri had given him a weird look and left without answering, leaving Jongin feeling deflated as he watched her walk away.

After that, the rumor that Kim Jongin, the quiet freshman boy who liked doodling in the margins of his notebooks, could read minds spread throughout the school like wild fire. Jongin usually kept to himself, so the number of people who would even bother to gossip about him were few. He didn't have to look far to know where the rumor originated.

Since then, Jongin had receded even further into his shell, and the word "freak" became engrained into his head.

 

 

 

Jongin doesn't notice anything amiss when he rushes back into his dorm room and slams the door behind him. He snatches his gloves up from where he left them in the morning and slips them down over his hands. The moment his palms have been covered by the thick leather, he releases a deep breath and feels his tense shoulders finally relaxing.

Turning, Jongin notices for the first time the bag sitting on the bed across from his. He doesn't have any roommates, so the sight of the bag on what should have been an empty bed on the other side of the room is immediately unwelcome.

Before Jongin can think too long about the mysterious item, he hears the door opening behind him and he turns to meet the newcomer.

It's a boy who looks a bit older than Jongin himself, with thick hair and big ears. His face breaks out into a smile when his eyes meet Jongin's, and he walks into the room excitedly, a guitar case slung over his shoulder.

"Oh hey, you're back!" The deep voice catches Jongin off guard and he takes a step back, alarmed at the towering height of the boy suddenly approaching him.  "I'm Chanyeol, your new roommate!"

At the word 'roommate' Jongin frowns. "Roommate?" he murmurs darkly to himself. "I told them I didn't want a roommate."

"So they were right when they said you were a spoiled rich kid." Chanyeol says, parting his lips into a wide grin to show Jongin a row of perfectly white teeth. Jongin's frown deepens at the boy's words and he has the strong urge to punch him in said teeth.

"It's a long story, but basically I got kicked out of my last dorm for the dumbest reason. Apparently, it's not socially acceptable to blast pop songs at ungodly hours of the night. But hey, you know what Taylor would say, the haters gonna hate, hate, hate. Anyway, I needed a new place to stay and heard there was an open space in this dorm, so here I am!" Chanyeol bursts into laughter at the sight of Jongin's face, and the younger boy grimaces. The sound of Chanyeol's voice is grating to his ears. "Well, let's try to get along. What was your name again?"

Jongin continues frowning at the older a minute longer before he releases a sigh, realizing he's fighting a losing battle.

"Jongin." He says quietly after a long moment of silence.

"Jonginnie?"

" _Jongin_."

"You're not a very social person, are you, Jonginnie?" Chanyeol asks cheerfully, flashing that smile again when Jongin openly glares at the older male. "It's kind of cute."

Jongin flushes a deep red and feels the retort he had planned die on his lips.

 

 

 

Jongin has only had a roommate for two months but already he feels as if his walls are caving in on him. His quiet, solitary life has done a complete 360 and suddenly his entire world seems to revolve around Chanyeol, Chanyeol, _Chanyeol_.

Chanyeol's clothes that somehow end up finding their way into Jongin's laundry basket. Chanyeol's infuriating alarm that goes off at 6 AM each morning so that he'll be able to get up in time to make it to his morning classes. ( _YOU. MAKE. ME. FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING A. TEEN. AGE. DREAM._ ) Chanyeol's music notes that end up strewn across the carpet along with Jongin's sketches because he forgets to close the window before he leaves for class every morning. Chanyeol's friends that Jongin seems to know everything about, despite never having met them. ("And then we forgot that we locked Baekhyun in the music room, so he was in there for _three hours_.") The packs of Chanyeol's favorite uncooked ramyun that are piled up in the cupboards on _Jongin's_ side of the room. Random anecdotes of Chanyeol's life that he texts Jongin during class ( _we watched a documentary about sloths in my wildlife bio class today and they reminded me of you bc ur both sleepy and cute ^^_ ).

Suddenly anything and everything in Jongin's life seemed to be Chanyeol. The older male was determined to become Jongin's friend, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. He even had him saved in his phone as "My Jonginnie ♡".

(Jongin had him saved as "Forever Smiling Idiot", but Chanyeol didn't need to know that.

Jongin also found, to his surprise and utter dismay, that he didn't exactly hate the attention. But again, Chanyeol didn't need to know.)

 

 

 

 

Despite Chanyeol's best efforts to worm his way into every corner of Jongin's life, there was one place that Jongin definitely would _not_ allow him to corrupt. In all of the years Jongin had lived in solitude, art was the one thing that had kept him sane. Art was the only thing he refused to allow Chanyeol to infect with his contagious laughter.

Which is why Jongin feels his eyes narrowing in annoyance when he walks into the art room on a Monday morning to find Chanyeol already sitting by his usual seat.

"What are you doing here?" he asks bluntly the moment his eyes fall on the older male. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Hi, Jonginnie!" Chanyeol answers, flashing the younger that same smile he always has on his face. Jongin hated that smile. Or maybe he just hated the way it made him feel. He wasn’t ready to think about that just yet.

"What are you doing here?" Jongin asks again, ignoring the older's attempts at making small talk. "Don't tell me you're going to start taking Art. Can you even draw?"

"Well, no," Chanyeol says slowly, his usual grin replaced with a sheepish smile. "It's hard to explain."

At that moment, Jongin's art professor walks through the door and Jongin turns to her as his beacon of hope.

"Ah, Jongin! My star pupil!" she says brightly at the sight of the younger male. "And you're here too, Chanyeol, perfect."

Jongin can immediately feel the smile slipping off of his face at the exchange between the two, and he shoots a glare in Chanyeol's direction. Jongin's art professor was one of the few people he felt comfortable with, and the betrayal stung.

"Professor Lee," he begins weakly, "please tell me he's not joining the class."

"Oh, don't worry about that, Jongin. Chanyeol won't be joining the class as a student."

"There's a 'but' in there, I can feel it," Jongin groans.

"You see," his professor begins, "your good friend, Mister Park here, doesn't have enough art credits to graduate."

"Of course," Jongin interrupts dryly, frowning at the sheepish grin Chanyeol flashes in his direction, "and you're mistaken, Professor, we're not that close."

"Chanyeol came to me with his dilemma," she continues, ignoring the boy's interruption, "and when I found out that the two of you were roommates, I came up with the perfect solution."

"A solution?" Jongin can already feel his stomach dropping.

"You were looking for a model for your character study, weren't you? Chanyeol will be perfect!" Professor Lee tells him excitedly. "That way you can have a subject, and hopefully he'll be able to retain some sort of information through that artistically challenged brain of his."

" _Professor_ ," Chanyeol pouts from where he sits, "music is an art too, okay? Just because I can't sketch─"

"But professor," Jongin interrupts weakly, racking his brain for an excuse, "I already have a subject for my character study."

"Nonsense, Jongin. You can't do a character study on dogs."

"But professor─"

"Jongin," Professor Lee interrupts once more,"this isn't just for Chanyeol's sake. I think this project will be good for you."

The younger opens his mouth to argue once more, but he can tell from the expression on his professor's face that he has already lost the battle.

 

 

 

"Absolutely not."

"But Jonginnie─"

" _No_ ," Jongin hisses as Chanyeol trails behind him in a Caffe Bene, like a puppy with his tail in between his legs. "I don't think I'd even be able to draw you."

"Because you don't think you could do justice to my devilishly good looks?" Jongin glares at the older male as he sits down at a table and Chanyeol takes the chair opposite him. "Kidding."

"I'm not going to draw you, Chanyeol," Jongin says coldly, twirling the buzzer for their order in his gloved hands. "I refuse."

"At least tell me why," the older sighs, his eyebrows furrowing into a rare frown. "Can't you at least tell me that?"

"Because─" Jongin begins, only to stop himself. _Because I don't want to let you any further into my life_ lies on the tip of his tongue, but he forces himself not to say the words. 

"Because what?" Jongin is saved from answering when the buzzer in his hands suddenly begins to vibrate. Before he can get out of his seat, Chanyeol stands up, snatching the device from his hands. "I'll get it."

Jongin sits back down and watches as the taller male walks towards the counter to get their drinks, wondering what it was about the other that made him feel so _angry_. What was it about Chanyeol that made him feel so helpless, so exposed?

Jongin watches in silence when Chanyeol suddenly bumps into the foot of a stray chair, tripping over it and almost falling over before he regains his balance. A snort escapes his lips when Chanyeol glances back at him, a pitiful expression on his face, before he turns around again to grab their drinks. It takes a moment for Jongin to realize that he's smiling.

And that's when it hits him; Jongin isn't _angry_ at Chanyeol, he's afraid. He's afraid because Chanyeol is the first person to ever approach him, to ever show any interest in Jongin. He's the first person that Jongin actually considers to be a friend.

And that terrifies him. How would Chanyeol react if he finds out about Jongin's secret? _When_ he finds out?

"You didn't see anything," Chanyeol mumbles, embarrassed, when he returns with the drinks. By then, Jongin has already wiped the smile off of his face, and he stares at the older male with the same blank expression he had before.

"You're a danger to us all," he says coldly.

"But you love me," the older answers coyly. "Enough to make me your model, right?"

"No."

" _Please_ , Jonginnie?" Chanyeol begs. "I know I joke around a lot but I'm being serious here. I really need this, okay? I don't have enough art credits to graduate and Professor Lee only agreed to give me this chance because she heard you were my roommate."

Chanyeol is pouting and Jongin can feel his resolve crumbling from the expression the other is wearing. He's making that face where he looks like a kicked puppy, and Jongin likes puppies. A lot, actually.

Jongin looks down at his drink without saying anything and he can tell from the grin that spreads across Chanyeol's face that the older male knows he has won the argument.

"Can I ask you something?"

"No."

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" Chanyeol asks anyway, "About us not being close?"

"Of course," Jongin says after a moment of hesitation. "We're not."

"We're _not?_ " the older asks, aghast. "But I thought we were friends! _Buddies!_ "

"Obviously not," the younger answers coolly. "Other than the fact that we live together, you and I are nothing."

"But we wash our underwear together!"

"That was _one time!_ " Jongin snaps, ears turning red when a couple from a neighboring table turns to look at them curiously. "And that was because you left your dirty clothes in my laundry basket!"

Chanyeol bursts into laughter at the embarrassed expression on the boy's face, kicking his legs against the table so hard that he accidentally knocks over Jongin's drink, spilling it onto his gloved hands.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," he apologizes immediately, reaching forward with napkins.

"It's fine, don't─" Jongin begins in alarm as Chanyeol reaches for his wet gloves. The older ignores him and before Jongin can stop him he's tugging the gloves off of his hands and their fingers are brushing and—

_Oh god, he's so cute._

Jongin leaps to his feet, heart hammering in his chest. A blur of bright pink affection flashes before his eyes, but he pushes the thought away before he can linger on it too long.

"I have to go."

"Wait─" Chanyeol says in alarm, reaching for the boy once more.

_Shit, he hates me why did I do that._

"I don't hate you, I─" Jongin snaps, yanking his hands out of Chanyeol's reach and flushing when he realizes the slip of his tongue. "I have to go."

"Wait, Jonginnie!"

The younger ignores Chanyeol's calls as he races out of the coffee shop, reeling as the weight of what just happened crashes over him.

 

 

 

"You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"I'm not mad." Jongin says patiently, as he sketches the outline of Chanyeol's jaw.

"You _are_ mad," the older insists from where he's sitting across from him. "Usually you read my texts even if you don't respond. Lately you haven't even opened them."

"Models aren't supposed to move," Jongin says coldly, looking up from his sketchbook to glare at the older as he shuffles uncomfortably in his seat.

"Right, sorry," Chanyeol replies, flashing Jongin a sheepish grin as he repositions his arms to the way they had been before. "Anything to make the great artist happy."

"If you wanted to make me happy, you wouldn't have insisted on being my model," Jongin huffs quietly to himself as he looks back down at his sketchbook and begins outlining the older's torso.

Chanyeol is silent for all of two minutes before he starts speaking again. "Can I ask you a question?" Jongin exhales loudly through his nose, but doesn't say anything, and Chanyeol takes it as a sign to continue. "Why do you always wear gloves?"

Jongin pauses and looks up from his sketchbook, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. No one had ever asked him that straight out before. Most people didn't even notice he was always wearing gloves. Of course, Chanyeol would be the one to notice. He noticed everything.

"Last time when I pulled your gloves off..." Chanyeol continues slowly, treading carefully in case he set Jongin off, "when I touched your hand, you acted like I hurt you or something."

"What does it matter?" Jongin asks, eyebrows knitting together. He couldn't understand why Chanyeol wanted to know so much. Jongin never knew why someone as bright as Chanyeol would even bother with trying to get to know someone as quiet as himself.

"I think I deserve to know," Chanyeol insists, "as your roommate and as your friend."

There it was again. That word. _Friend_. Was Chanyeol his friend?

Jongin looks up and finds that Chanyeol is staring at him intently, an emotion he couldn't read in his eyes. He's still struggling to hold his position, despite how uncomfortable and hard Jongin knew it was for him to keep still. For Jongin's sake. To make Jongin happy.

Yes, Chanyeol was his friend.

"I don't like it," Jongin says finally, his voice quiet, "when people touch my hands."

"I see," Chanyeol answers, face breaking out into a grin. "Got it. No hands."

He goes quiet then, no questions asked, and Jongin stares at him suspiciously. Chanyeol just continues to smile at him, posing wordlessly like Jongin had asked. The younger stares at him for a moment longer before he sighs and returns to his sketch.

He saves the eyes for last, like he always does when he sketches Chanyeol.

 

 

 

Although Jongin would rather burn in hell than admit it to anyone, himself included, he finds that he rather enjoys sketching Chanyeol.

The older male has features that fascinate Jongin: long, clumsy legs. A tall, gangly stature. Ears that stuck out underneath the snapbacks he was always wearing. An eye that twitched when he laughed. A pair of strong eyebrows that moved animatedly with each change of his expression, expressions that Jongin brought to life on his canvas. Chanyeol was imperfect, and yet it was those imperfections that made him so appealing to Jongin.

"I'm glad that you seem to be enjoying your new model," Professor Lee says to him in class one day.

Jongin looks up from the sketch he had been working on, eyebrows knitting together. It's one of Chanyeol, sitting on the windowsill of their room, guitar in hand. He had sketched it earlier in the morning without the older male noticing, and was now completing the finishing touches.

"He's very... anatomically aesthetic," Jongin defends himself lamely. "Nice features. That's all."

"Of course," His professor laughs. "But I'm glad. Your sketches have improved." Jongin frowns at her words and she quickly corrects herself. "They were always good, of course, but they were missing something; something you seem to have found recently."

Jongin doesn't answer and she continues, smiling gently at him.

"You also seem happier lately."

Jongin returns to his sketch, cheeks flushing as he tries not to think too much about her words.

 

 

 

Jongin hums when he enters the room that evening, towel around his neck. He's just stepped out of the shower and his hair is still damp. He's wearing a t-shirt and shorts, gloves nowhere in sight.

Chanyeol is sitting on the floor by his bed, earphones in and guitar in his hands. He's working on something for his Musical Theory class, Jongin assumes, from the way he scribbles furiously into a thick notebook, eyebrows furrowed.

As usual, he has an empty bag of uncooked ramyun sitting by his thigh, and Jongin sighs as he bends down to pick it up. The moment he grabs the bag is right when Chanyeol decides to turn a page in his notebook and their fingers brush without hesitation.

_God, he smells so good._

The sound of soft acoustic guitar invades Jongin's senses and he releases a gasp when a wave of deep red washes over him.

"Jonginnie?" Chanyeol asks, looking up from his composition and removing an earbud. "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing," the younger stammers, flushing as he scrambles to get up. "I'm going to sleep." Chanyeol watches with furrowed brows as Jongin stumbles into bed, yanking the covers over his head.

He lies beneath the thick blankets, heart hammering in his chest. It hadn't been the thoughts going through Chanyeol's head that had caused the boy to pull away; rather it was the mental images accompanying them.

_Chanyeol with his arms wrapped around Jongin's waist from behind, one hand holding him down by the hips, while the other traveled up his shirt. Jongin's back radiating heat against Chanyeol's chest. Chanyeol's nose against the back of Jongin's neck, inhaling deeply, allowing the scent of the younger to invade his senses. Jongin, Jongin, Jongin─_

"Jonginnie?"

The boy shudders when he feels the covers behind pulled away and suddenly Chanyeol's face comes into view.

"Are you okay?" he asks, concern lacing his voice. "I touched your hand, didn't I? I'm sorry─"

"It's not that," Jongin interrupts, breathless, "I'm just tired."

Chanyeol hesitates for a moment longer before the corner of his lips pull up into a small smile. "Well, you can't sleep with wet hair. You're going to get sick."

"No, really. I'm fine─"

The older ignores him, pulling the boy out of bed. Jongin can feel his face flushing as Chanyeol sits him down on the floor in front of him and begins toweling his hair dry with the towel he left behind.

Jongin sits in silence as Chanyeol begins to hum, heart racing as he tries to ignore the press of Chanyeol's chest against his back and how familiar this image was to the scene he had just seen in the older's head.

 

 

 

Avoiding your roommate proves to be a difficult task when said roommate's name is Park Chanyeol.

Perhaps it had something to do with the newly awakened awareness in Jongin's chest, or perhaps he had just been extremely oblivious and never noticed it before, but suddenly it felt as if Chanyeol's hands were _everywhere_ , leaving the boy feeling flustered and hyperaware of the other's touch.

Jongin is still half asleep that morning, so he doesn’t notice when the older walks into the bathroom as he’s busy brushing his teeth until it’s too late.

“Jonginnie,” Chanyeol murmurs sleepily, as he wraps his arm around Jongin’s waist and rests his chin on the younger’s shoulder. “Have you seen my green hoodie?”

Wide awake now, the younger freezes. If this had been any time before, he would have pushed Chanyeol away with a scowl, but instead he stays rooted to the spot as the older’s head lolls against his shoulder.

“Jonginnie?” he asks again after a moment of silence. His voice is even deeper from sleep and a shudder runs down Jongin’s spine when he feels Chanyeol’s hot breath hit the back of his neck.

One of the older’s hands travels across Jongin’s abdomen and the younger jumps at the sudden movement. Unconsciously, Jongin finds his fingers ghosting across one of Chanyeol’s knuckles.

Soft pastels and baby blues invade his senses.

_So warm, I could just fall asleep like this….._

Jongin blinks, realizing that the older might actually fall asleep on him when the weight on his shoulder suddenly gets heavier as Chanyeol slumps against him. He can feel the older’s chest pressing into his back and a blush coats his cheeks as he straightens himself up and pushes the other away.

“It’s in the laundry basket,” Jongin mumbles, as he begins brushing his teeth again, avoiding eye contact with the older.

“Thanks, Jonginnie,” Chanyeol answers, flashing the boy a sleepy grin before he reaches up to ruffle his hair affectionately. “You’re the best.”

Jongin tries to convince himself that the telltale blush staining his cheeks long after the older is gone is a result of him not being used to extended human interaction and nothing else.

 

 

 

Jongin realizes just how infectious Chanyeol’s laughter is when he finds himself smiling one day when the sound of it reaches his ears. He’s sitting on a bench in a secluded area of the school’s courtyard, sketchbook in hand. Chanyeol is on the other side of the courtyard, sitting in a sunny spot with a group of his friends. Despite the distance between them, Jongin can hear each laugh that escapes the elder’s lips.

Jongin looks up from his sketch when he hears it once more, and sees Chanyeol pointing at one of his friends, an even set of pearly white teeth showing as his whole body shakes with laughter. Jongin rolls his eyes at how stupid the elder looks, but can’t help the smile that tugs at the corner of his lips when he glances back down at his sketch.

He had been sketching the other for some time now without Chanyeol noticing, and was just about to begin adding the finishing touches, when someone suddenly plopped down onto the bench next to him.

“Hi Jonginnie,” Chanyeol grins, when the younger jumps. “How’s the sketch coming along?”

“How long have you known I’ve been here?” Jongin sputters, cheeks flushing from having been caught.

“Since you sat down,” the elder laughs. He removes the guitar case hanging off of his shoulder, and places it down onto the ground. “You’re not very good at being discreet.”

Jongin frowns before looking back down at his sketch. “What are you doing here?” he asks finally, changing the subject.

“What do you mean? I came to say hi.”

“Well, you said hi. You can go now.”

Chanyeol frowns at the younger when he refuses to look at him. “Am I not allowed to stay here?” he asks finally.

“Why would you stay here? Your friends are over there,” Jongin mutters, avoiding eye contact with the older male. He can feel Chanyeol’s eyes on him.

“Are you saying you’re not my friend?” The older asks, “Can I not sit with you?”

Jongin looks up from his sketch to argue but feels the words dying in his throat when he meets Chanyeol’s eyes and sees the intensity behind his gaze. “I don’t get you sometimes,” he mutters finally; face growing hot as he looks back down. “Suit yourself.”

“That’s okay,” Chanyeol answers, face breaking out into a smile again when he realizes that Jongin wasn’t going to try to drive him away. He leans closer to the younger on the bench, smile growing when the younger doesn’t pull away after their shoulders brush. “As long as I get you.”

“Whatever,” Jongin mumbles under his breath. He smiles in spite of himself, feeling warmth flooding into the pit of his stomach.

“Can I see your drawing?” Chanyeol asks, shifting even closer to the younger.

Jongin hesitates for a moment before he hands Chanyeol his sketchbook, stomach fluttering nervously. “Don’t expect too much,” he mumbles, “it’s just a sketch.”

“Wow.” Chanyeol says, ignoring the younger as he grips the boy’s sketchbook. “This is really good.”  Jongin feels himself swell at the older’s compliment and his smile widens. “Is this what I looked like earlier?”

Jongin nods as the older touches the title of the drawing he had scrawled onto the bottom of the page. “Chanyeol and Friends”. The sketch is of the scene Jongin had been watching earlier: Chanyeol sitting in a ray of sunshine, surrounded by his friends with a smile plastered onto his face.

“You should draw yourself there too,” Chanyeol says as he hands the sketchbook back to Jongin. “You’re also one of my friends.”

Jongin can feel his smile faltering at the elder’s words and he looks down at his lap, avoiding the other’s gaze. “I don’t like drawing myself,” he says finally, his voice quiet.“There’s no point.”

“Hmm…” Chanyeol hums, thoughtfully, as he watches Jongin fidget. “You haven’t been wearing your gloves lately,” he says, eyeing the way the younger plays with his fingers.

Jongin blinks as if noticing for the first time, as well. “You’re right,” he says, “I guess I haven’t felt the need to.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t mind anymore,” Jongin mumbles quietly, “when you touch my hands.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything and for a moment Jongin panics, wondering if he has said too much. Before he can begin backpedaling, Chanyeol suddenly leans down to pick up his guitar case.

“Shall I play you a song?” He asks, flashing Jongin a smile. The younger blinks at the sudden change of subject before nodding, ears red. Chanyeol smiles at him again and Jongin notices for the first time that the tips of his ears have turned red as well.

The older begins strumming his guitar and Jongin smiles, leaning back against the bench. Chanyeol plays him a simple tune, an acoustic song that makes the boy feel sleepy. When he finishes, he sets his guitar back down before resting his hand on the bench where Jongin’s hand lays. Their pinkies brush and a warm, orange glow thrums in Jongin’s chest.

_This is nice._

Jongin couldn’t agree more.

 

 

 

Jongin is walking to Caffe Benne with a skip in his step when he hears someone calling his name. He stops in his steps but before he can turn around a hard body collides into him from behind. A gasp escapes his lips from the force of the blow, but he relaxes when he recognizes the familiar arms wrapping around his body.

“Jonginnie!” Chanyeol calls excitedly as he links an arm around the boy’s torso and hugs him from behind. “Guess what?!”

“What?” Jongin mutters, grimacing as he tries to untangle himself from the older’s hold. “People are watching, Chanyeol,” he says, flushing in embarrassment when people turn to look at them curiously.

“Professor Lee gave me my art credits!” the elder says excitedly, ignoring the younger’s discomfort as he hugs Jongin even tighter. “I can pass Art now!”

“Oh,” Jongin sighs, giving up when he realizes that Chanyeol had no plans on letting him go, “that’s good.”

“It’s all thanks to you,” Chanyeol grins, releasing the boy and ruffling his hair excitedly. “You and your amazing art has saved me!”

Jongin scowls and pushes the elder’s hand away. He can’t control the butterflies that erupt in his stomach at Chanyeol’s praise, though. “My art isn’t that great,” he mumbles, face flushing.

“Of course it is! It’s amazing, just like you.”

Jongin rolls his eyes but smiles anyway, secretly pleased. “I’ll buy you a coffee,” he says, motioning towards the Caffe Bene.

“Oh my god? You’re buying me coffee?” Chanyeol asks, eyes widening. “Are you okay? You didn’t hit your head, did you? Oh my god?”

Jongin scowls again and buys the older an Iced Americano (that he hates) just to torment him. He buys a Caramel Macchiato for himself (Chanyeol’s favorite), and pretends not to notice when the older switches them later.

Jongin finds himself smiling as they walk back to their dorm together, hands brushing and pinkies linked.

_God, he makes me so happy._

Chanyeol is all soft smiles and shy laughs and Jongin thinks he could get used to this.

 

 

 

 

"Jonginnie!" Chanyeols calls excitedly when the boy walks into the music room one day. He throws his arms out for a hug but the younger quickly steps out of his way, causing Chanyeol to stumble.

"Hi," Jongin says nonchalantly, masking his shyness behind a blank expression. He has only been in Chanyeol's vicinity for a few seconds and already he can feel his fingers beginning to tingle. "Here's your stuff."

"You're a life saver," Chanyeol sighs, taking the notebook Jongin holds out to him with a grin. He had forgotten it in the room that morning. "What would I do without you, Jonginnie?"

Jongin doesn't respond because he doesn't trust himself to be able to hold back the smile that's tugging at the corners of his lips. Instead, he looks around at his surroundings. He's never been in the music room before, and he takes in all the sights. Chanyeol, who always looks out of place in the art room with his long limbs and loud laughter, looks strangely at home here.

Before he can ask where everyone else is, the door to the room suddenly opens and a shorter male with dark hair walks in. Jongin recognizes him as one of the boys who had been sitting with Chanyeol that one time in the courtyard.

"Hey, Baek," Chanyeol greets the newcomer, "What are you doing here? Don't you have class?"

"I forgot my backpack," the newcomer explains, grabbing a bag that lay in the corner of the room. "Who's this?" he asks, motioning towards Jongin, who was standing awkwardly besides Chanyeol, unsure of what to do.

"This is Jongin," Chanyeol introduces, smiling at the younger encouragingly, "and that is Baekhyun, my best friend."

Right. Baekhyun. Locked in the music room for three hours. Jongin knew who this was. Still, that knowledge wasn't enough to stop Jongin's voice from shaking when he greeted the other. He still wasn't used to having extensive human interaction.

"Hi," He says quietly, "nice to meet you."

"Ah, so this must be the roommate," Baekhyun says, disregarding the boy's shyness as his eyes flashed with recognition. "Chanyeol talks about you all the time."

"Baekhyun..." Chanyeol warns awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand when Jongin gives him a curious look.

"What? It's true," Baekhyun shrugs. "Anyway, Jongin, I have a question to ask you." He says, turning his attention back to the boy as his eyes flash mischievously. "Are you seeing anyone right now? A girl? Or maybe... a boy?"

"Baek!"

"What? I was just curious," Baekhyun defends himself. "You don't mind, right Jongin?"

The boy in question just blinks at the shorter male, too bewildered to answer.

"Haven't you ever heard the saying that all male artists are either gay or taken? I just wanted to see if it was true or not," Baekhyun continues, "and we all know that Chanyeol likes b─"

"Baekhyun!" Chanyeol interrupts, his face pale. "Don't you have somewhere to be right now?"

"You're right," the shorter says, glancing down at his phone in alarm, "I'm going to be late. We'll continue this next time," he says as he exits the room, waving at Jongin. "Bye, Jongin! It was nice meeting you!"

The room is silent once Baekhyun leaves and Jongin blinks, trying to make sense of everything that just happened as Chanyeol groans in mortification.

"Sorry about that," Chanyeol mutters finally. Jongin notices that his cheeks are red. "Baekhyun talks too much."

"It's fine," Jongin reassures him. "I've gotten used to people being loud and obnoxious after you became my roommate."

Chanyeol releases a chuckle and gives the younger a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. For a moment, Jongin is worried that he said something to offend him, when suddenly Chanyeol is looking him in the eyes with a completely serious expression.

"Does it bother you?" he asks slowly. "What Baekhyun said about me?"

It takes Jongin a moment to realize what Chanyeol is talking about, but he remembers what Baekhyun had said before leaving and suddenly everything makes sense.

Chanyeol likes boys? Jongin thinks back to the time their fingers had brushed after his shower and he’d taken a peak into the elder's mind. Something in Jongin's head clicks when he remembers what he had seen, but he quickly pushes the thought away.

"Does it bother you?" Chanyeol asks again, his eyebrows furrowing anxiously when Jongin fails to give him an answer. "Does it make you feel weird?" he stares intently at the younger before his gaze falters, eyes darting downwards. It takes Jongin a second to realize that he’s staring at his mouth.

_Does it make you feel weird that I can read your mind?_

"No," Jongin answers truthfully, “it doesn't."

Chanyeol's smile reaches his eyes this time, and Jongin thinks that it's blinding.

 

 

 

Jongin continues to think about Baekhyun's words days after their first meeting have passed. He sits in Caffe Bene alone, mindlessly twirling the straw in his drink around as he mulls over what the other had asked.

Did Jongin like boys? He had never imagined being with one before. But then again, ever since that time with Jinri in high school, Jongin had never imagined being with a girl, either. In fact, Jongin never thought much about being with anybody at all. People who got to know him were afraid of him, and he, in turn, was afraid of people.

Did he like boys? Jongin wasn't sure about that. But Chanyeol… Chanyeol made him feel things. Things he couldn't explain, weighing down in the pit of his stomach and fluttering in his chest late at night.

"Jongin?"

The boy looks up, blinking in surprise. This was new. People usually didn't recognize him outside, nor did they ever call out to him. Then again, a lot of new things had been happening to Jongin ever since Chanyeol had entered his life.

"I knew it was you!" the owner of the voice, which Jongin recognizes as Baekhyun, sits down in the seat across from him. "How have you been?"

"Fine," Jongin mumbles quietly, staring down at his drink once more.

"You know, Chanyeol was right about you."

At the mention of his roommate's name, Jongin's head snaps up and he stares at the person sitting across from him. "What did he say?" he asks, shyness forgotten.

Baekhyun laughs at the younger's eagerness and Jongin immediately deflates, cheeks flushing as he looks down once more. Baekhyun's hands were resting on the table and he chose to stare at those instead.

"He told me you were really quiet, unless someone talked to you about a topic you were interested in," Baekhyun says, a smirk growing on his lips. "Like art… amongst other things."

"He must tell you a lot of things."

"Well of course, we're best friends," something about Baekhyun's tone makes Jongin frown, and he looks up to glance at the elder. It was almost as if he were bragging, like he was trying to provoke Jongin. "We've known each other since forever."

"I see."

"Does Chanyeol not tell you things?"

"He does..." Jongin mumbles defensively. "He tells me plenty of things."

"Really?" Baekhyun asks. "I heard you didn't know about him being gay until I mentioned it last time. You two must not be as close as I thought you were."

Something twists unpleasantly inside of Jongin at the sound of the unspoken challenge in Baekhyun's voice, and he feels himself frowning as he looks up to meet the older's gaze. "Then you must know a lot about Chanyeol," he says finally.

"Of course," Baekhyun shrugs. "Like I said, we've known each other for forever. He tells me everything. We even fooled around a bit when he first came out."

Jongin's face falls visibly at the other's words and before he can stop himself, he does something he would never have imagined doing prior to meeting Chanyeol.

He reaches out and places his palm over the back of Baekhyun's hand.

_Gross. Fool around with Chanyeol? I would never. I can't believe I'm doing this. Chanyeol's going to kill me if he finds out. Why has he been moping around about this kid anyway? He isn't Chanyeol's type at all. Well, I guess he is kind of cute. But why is he holding my hand? Chanyeol said he doesn't like it when people touch his hands─_

"Jongin?"

 Jongin blinks before pulling his hand away, dazed. Baekhyun is staring at him, concerned.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Jongin says finally, reeling from what he had heard. "Fine."

 

 

 

 

It's dark when Jongin finally returns to the dorm. He finds Chanyeol sitting on the floor by his bed, sound asleep, his head tilted at an awkward angle. It looked as if he had been trying to wait up for Jongin, but ended up falling asleep anyway.

Jongin finds himself cracking a smile at the sight of Chanyeol's sleeping face. His mouth is open and even in his sleep, his eyes are twitching. With a sigh, the younger bends down and wraps an arm around Chanyeol's waist, lifting him up and easing him into his bed.

Jongin is reminded of Baekhyun's thoughts when he pulls away, and he feels the smile sliding off of his face. Chanyeol moves then, releasing a low groan in his sleep as he shifts his body into a comfortable position. Jongin watches with his breath held as the elder's hand flops onto the mattress, palm up, as if it were inviting him. He stares at Chanyeol's sleeping face for a moment longer before his curiosity finally gets the better of him. Silently, he gently presses his fingers against the palm of Chanyeol's hand.

He sees a flash of bright yellow, the color of sunlight, followed by purples and blues and white, different shades of the cosmos. A wave of calm and contentment floods Jongin's senses, and the boy feels as if his breath is being taken away.

It takes Jongin a moment to realize that Chanyeol is dreaming. His eyes widen when he sees the images going through the elder's head.

Jongin sees himself, sprawled out on his back with his head in Chanyeol's lap. They're sitting on a grassy patch, shaded by a large tree with bright red and orange leaves. Chanyeol's fingers are absentmindedly playing with his hair. The Jongin in Chanyeol's dreams is staring up at the older with loving adoration in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but before he can hear what his dream self has to say, Jongin is pulling his fingers away from Chanyeol's palm.

Jongin's heart is racing in his chest, but strangely enough, he feels calm.

 

 

 

 

It's obvious from the way Jongin's eyes continue to stray from his sketchpad the next day that he's distracted. He sits across from Chanyeol, who is posing for him beneath a large tree, yet he can't find it in him to finish even an outline of the boy before him. Strangely enough, the spot they are sitting in looks eerily similar to the place Jongin had seen in Chanyeol's dream the night before.

"Jonginnie?" Chanyeol says suddenly, pulling the boy out of his thoughts. "What's wrong?"

"Hm?"

"You looked distracted."

Jongin flushes, embarrassed at having been caught, before he looks back down at his sketchbook. He’s wearing his gloves today, and he stares down at the embroidery to distract himself. "It's nothing," he mumbles quietly.

"I guess there are days when even the great artist Kim Jongin can't focus, huh?" Chanyeol asks, with a chuckle. The sound of his laughter causes Jongin's stomach to do weird flips and he clenches the pencil in his hand even tighter.

He stares down at his sketchpad, afraid of how he would react if he were to see Chanyeol's face just then.

Suddenly, he feels fingers carding through his hair, and Jongin looks up, stunned. Chanyeol looks just as shocked as he does, fingers frozen in midair, as if he was surprised by his own actions.

"Sorry," he manages to get out after a moment of silence. His ears have turned red, Jongin notices. "Your hair was in your eyes. I was worried that you couldn't see."

Jongin remains silent while Chanyeol shifts in his seat uncomfortably. Finally, he takes a deep breath before slamming his sketchbook shut. The older flinches at the sudden action, as if afraid he had said something to set Jongin off.

"Jonginnie?" Chanyeol asks nervously. "Are you mad?"

"No," Jongin says quickly. Too quickly. He flushes at the look of surprise in Chanyeol's eyes before the elder's face breaks out into a smile.

"Okay," he says, "that's good."

Jongin takes a deep breath before he begins speaking, the words spilling out of his lips before he loses his nerve. "Let's go somewhere."

"Where?"

"Anywhere."

Chanyeol doesn't respond right away and Jongin flushes, feeling himself deflating.

"Or not," he says quickly, "if you have something else to do."

"I don't have anything to do, Jonginnie," Chanyeol reassures him. He's smiling that smile again, the one that makes Jongin want to grin like an idiot.

He stands up, offering his hand to Jongin who takes it and allows the older to pull him to his feet.

"We can go eat," Chanyeol says excitedly, as they begin walking together. Jongin can feel the corners of his lips pulling up into a smile when the realization that Chanyeol is still holding his hand hits him. "Or we can watch a movie? Or maybe we can go to a museum. What do you want to do?"

Jongin stops walking suddenly and Chanyeol pauses, turning to look at him. "Jonginnie?" he asks anxiously. The younger hesitates for a moment before he pulls his hand out of Chanyeol's hold, causing the elder's face to fall.

Slowly, Jongin removes the gloves from his hands and places them into his pockets. Taking a deep breath, Jongin looks up again to meet the elder's eyes. Chanyeol is looking back at him, eyes wide with surprise.

"I don't mind where we go," Jongin says shyly as he reaches out to take Chanyeol's hand again. "Wherever you want."

_Oh my god?? He's so cute???_

"Okay," Chanyeol answers, his face spreading out into a megawatt smile. "Okay. Anywhere is fine."

_Did he just?? Hold my hand???? By himself????_

A shy smile spreads across Jongin's lips and he chuckles quietly to himself as torrents of excitement and happiness and pure affection roll off of Chanyeol in bright red and pink and yellow waves.

"Chanyeol."

"Hm?"

"Do you think I'm cute?"

_YES??? SO CUTE??? SO ADORABLE?? CAN I KEEP YOU IN MY POCKET??_

"You? Not really."

"Is that so."

_Oh my god, I want to kiss him._

"Chanyeol?"

_Can I hug him? I really want to hug him._

"Hm?"

"Do you like holding my hand?"

_Yes. Oh my god, yes. YES._

"It's alright."

Jongin's cheeks are hot and he can feel warmth pooling in the pit of his stomach as he allows his senses to be drowned by Chanyeol's emotions. But despite the giddy, dizzying effects of holding Chanyeol's hand, Jongin couldn't fight the gnawing feeling of dread at the back of his head when he thought of how the older would react if he knew about his secret.

 

 

 

It hits Jongin during art class.

He's busy finishing up a portrait of Chanyeol when he overhears Professor Lee discussing another girl's painting.

"This is lovely, Soojung!" she says as she admires the girl's work. "You did a wonderful job."

"Thank you, Professor."

Jongin glances at the girl's easel and sees that it's a landscape painting.

"Is this Paris?"

"Yeah, I visited there with my family last year and fell in love with the scenery.

"Well," Professor Lee begins, "there is a saying that an artist is only able to capture the beauty of something if they're truly in love with the subject."

Jongin freezes as his professor's words register in his brain. He doesn't hear the rest of their conversation because he's too busy picking his sketchbook up and flipping through the pages. It hadn't even occurred to him how long he had been drawing Chanyeol, and the realization only dawns on him once he sees just how many sketches of Chanyeol he has drawn over the months.

Chanyeol dozing off, Chanyeol yawning, Chanyeol playing the guitar, Chanyeol reading, Chanyeol scribbling into his notebook, Chanyeol stretching, Chanyeol daydreaming, Chanyeol sleeping, Chanyeol riding a bike, Chanyeol eating, Chanyeol sitting, an entire page filled with Chanyeol's different expressions. Chanyeol in the morning. Chanyeol at night. The entire book was filled with every second, every moment that Jongin had spent with Chanyeol.

"Jongin?" The boy looks up and finds his Professor staring down at him. "What's the matter?"

"Professor," he begins slowly, handing the sketchbook to her, "what do you think of my sketches?" he asks her. Even without hearing her reply, Jongin already knows the answer.

Professor Lee smiles at him before flipping through the pages. The farther she gets, the wider her smile becomes.

"I think they're beautiful, Jongin," she says as she reaches the end. "They're simple, but beautiful."

"Beautiful?"

"Yes," Jongin's professor answers him gently, “they're beautiful. Drawn with all of your emotions.”

Jongin nods when she hands the sketchbook back to him. He had already known the answer, but hearing it from someone else was all the confirmation he needed.

His sketches had been drawn with love.

Jongin is on his feet within seconds, sketchbook forgotten as he runs out of the classroom. The music room is on the other side of campus, and by the time he gets there, he's breathless and his bangs are matted to his forehead with sweat.

He throws the door open and is inside the room before he can regret it, cheeks flaming when everyone turns to look at him.

"Is... Chanyeol... Here?" he manages to gasp out, as he struggles to catch his breath.

Towards the front of the room a familiar figure stands up. "Jonginnie?" Chanyeol asks, a puzzled expression on his face as he sets his guitar down.

"Need to... talk to you..." Jongin mumbles. Reality has caught up to him and he feels himself shrinking away from the inquisitive glances in embarrassment. Towards the back of the room, he sees Baekhyun shooting him a knowing look as Chanyeol pulls him out of the room and into the hallway.

"What's the matter, Jonginnie?" Chanyeol asks anxiously as he takes in the sight of Jongin's disheveled appearance. "Is something wrong?"

Jongin inhales deeply before he speaks. His initial resolve is already fading, but he gathers up his nerve before he can regret his decision. "I have something to tell you," he says as he slips the gloves off of his hands. "I need to say it right now, before I change my mind."

"Jonginnie?" the look of concern in Chanyeol's eyes has darkened.

Fear has already taken root in Jongin's heart. He thinks of Sooyoun, of Jinri, of everyone he has scared away over the years. Jongin had long committed himself to a lifetime of solitude. He had been okay with it, he really had, until Chanyeol had appeared and changed everything.  Now, fear froze him to the spot. He has everything to lose, but he also knows that he has everything to gain.

Chanyeol is different from the others, Jongin reassures himself. Chanyeol is worth the risk.

"Take my hand?"

The elder looks at him for a moment, confused, before he complies.

_Is he breaking up with me? Oh my god we haven't even started dating yet please tell me he isn't breaking up with me._

Jongin takes a deep breath before he begins to speak. "I'm not going to break up with you."

"What?"

_He's not moving away is he?_

"I'm not moving away."

_Please tell me he's not sick._

"I'm not sick, either.”

"How do you know everything that I'm about to say?" the elder blurts out.

_What's going on?_

"What's going on?" Jongin whispers. He clenches his fist when he sees Chanyeol's expression darken.

_What is he saying?_

"What is he saying?"

_It's almost like he's reading my mind._

"It's almost like he's reading my mind."

"Oh my god," Chanyeol gasps. He looks down at their entwined hands, and realization seems to dawn on him. Jongin can feel his face falling when Chanyeol yanks his hand away like he's been burned. "You─"

Jongin doesn't hear the rest of his sentence, he's already turning on his heel and running away from the older male as fast as he can, ignoring his calls behind him.

 

 

 

 

When Jongin makes it back to his room he slams the door shut behind him and immediately crawls under his covers. It takes him a moment to realize he's mistaken Chanyeol's bed for his own and he groans before he comes to the conclusion that he just Really Doesn't Care.

He groans again when he hears footsteps following his and he burrows deeper into the covers, curling up into a tight ball. He decides to go for the He Can’t See Me If I Can’t See Him tactic and closes his eyes when he hears Chanyeol opening the door to their room.

“Jonginnie,” he hears as Chanyeol approaches his spot on the bed. “Jonginnie, come out. Talk to me.”

“Go away,” Jongin mumbles into the sheets. “I’m not home right now.”

A sigh escapes Chanyeol’s lips as he takes a seat besides the lump on his bed. “Jonginnie,” he says quietly, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Jongin asks darkly. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m a freak.”

 “Who said that?” Chanyeol demands, frowning at the younger’s words. “Did you hear me say that?”

“No…” Jongin murmurs quietly. “But everyone else says that I am.”

“Am I like everyone else to you?”

“No…”

“Then come out,” Chanyeol says gently, resting his hand on where he hoped Jongin’s head was under the covers. “Talk to me.”

“No,” Jongin says stubbornly, curling even deeper into himself. “I don’t trust you.”

“Why?” The older asks quietly. “Have I done something to make you doubt me?”

Jongin bites his bottom lip and suddenly all of his insecurities come flooding back to him. “I’ve always doubted you,” he whispers quietly. “Why would someone like you want to talk to someone like me?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Chanyeol asks, frowning.

“You’re _you_ and I’m _me_ ,” Jongin continues. “I’m a freak. And I’m quiet, and antisocial, and I don’t know how to talk to people. I’m unpleasant and stubborn and you’re bright and handsome and _perfect_.”

“That’s not true. I’ve never thought that about you.” Chanyeol says quietly before he slips his hand beneath the covers, palm up. “Trust me?”

Jongin is quiet as he stares at Chanyeol’s hand before slowly, he stretches his own out and rests his fingers against the older’s palm.

The effect is blinding. Jongin sees a flash of deep red, followed quickly by images inside of Chanyeol’s head. A gasp escapes Jongin’s lips when he realizes that the images are all of himself.

Waking up in the morning. Drawing. Humming to himself. Floating around the room drowsily. Drinking a coffee at Caffe Bene. Staring down at his phone. Reading a book. Running fingers through his hair. Napping in a sunny spot. Doing the laundry. Doodling in the margins of his notebooks. Sharpening his pencils. Laughing at a joke, eyes crinkling around the corners.

Jongin is staring at himself, only something is off. He looks different than he usually does; more handsome, less afraid, and with a brighter smile. It takes Jongin a moment to realize that he is staring at himself through Chanyeol’s eyes. He is staring at himself through the eyes of love.

“Do you believe me now?” Chanyeol asks gently as he pulls the covers away from Jongin’s face. The younger just stares at him in awe, his eyes wide. “I don’t think you’re a freak, or quiet, or antisocial, or unpleasant. In fact, you know what I think? I think that you’re─”

“Beautiful,” Jongin interrupts quietly. “You think that I’m beautiful.”

“That’s right.” Chanyeol nods, blushing slightly. “Don’t say it out loud, it’s embarrassing─”

“You also think that you would very much like to kiss me right now.”

“Jongin!” Chanyeol snaps, pulling his hand away as his ears turn red. “Stop reading my mind!”

A small laugh escapes Jongin’s lips as he sits up, staring at the older boy shyly. They were sitting so close, he could count the number of lashes on Chanyeol’s eyelids.

“Chanyeol,” he whispers softly, “can I tell you a secret?”

“Go ahead.”

“I kind of want to kiss you too.”

Chanyeol blinks for a moment, as if registering Jongin’s words, before something seems to snap between them. He leans forward and kisses him hard, pressing Jongin back into the sheets with one hand as the other tangles into the boy’s hair. Jongin releases a noise in the back of his throat when Chanyeol kisses him sloppily, parting his lips so that their tongues can slide together.

He pulls away first, lips swollen and red as he stares down at Jongin with an expression in his eyes that the younger could only identify as pure adoration. “Sorry,” Chanyeol whispers, “was that too much for a first kiss? I’ve just been wanting to do that for a while now so─”

“Chanyeol,” Jongin cuts the older off, “just shut up for a second.” He wraps his hand around the back of the older’s neck and pulls him down for another kiss. And another, and another, and another.

 

 

 

Jongin wakes up the next morning with his cheek pressed to Chanyeol’s chest, arms wrapped around his waist. He takes a moment to revel in the feeling of being in the elder’s arms, a smile tugging at his lips, before he realizes that Chanyeol is awake. Curious, he shifts one of his hands so that the back of his knuckles brush against Chanyeol’s palm without the other knowing that he was no longer sleeping.

Bright pinks and reds and whites along with bursts of yellow and orange invade his senses.

_God, he’s so cute. How is he so cute? How is he even real? Is this even real? Am I dreaming?_

Jongin feels himself smile and presses his face closer to Chanyeol’s chest, listening to his heartbeat.

_But wait a second, if he can hear my thoughts when our palms touch does that mean he could hear what I was thinking all those times I held his hand?_

A soft chuckle escapes Jongin’s lips and the sound causes the older to jump. “You’re awake?” He asks suspiciously as Jongin tightens his hold around the other’s waist, hugging him even closer.

_Shit. Does that mean he can hear me right now?_

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

“Yes?”

_You better not be listening to my thoughts right now, Kim Jongin._

“I thought you said I wasn’t cute.”

_Oh my god._


End file.
